Sunday, May 14, 2023

What a Week!!!

Damn, ya'll!

Monday: Ariel's anniversary!

Tuesday: Literally f***ing awesome.

Wednesday: UPS says Giant Size Akane is almost here!

Thursday: SHE'S HERE

Friday: Extreme party-tastic action!!!

Saturday: Even better partying down-to-the-ground AND tons of Boba Fett episodes AND blogging with Aers!

Today: I don't know, it just got started. What, do I look like some kinda Jedi?

Summary time!

Rockin' week, and almost all because of my amazing yams.

THANK YOU, YAMS!!!

Everybody else ... I hope this week is as good for you as this past week was for me!

Saturday, May 13, 2023

Crushing it!

You may not believe it, but whoever you are out there reading this, you are crushing it!

Maybe you're thinking, "What the hell, Sasha, you don't even know me or what's going on with me or whether I'm crazypants kookoo or totally chillaxed and on top of things!" And the odds are pretty good you're right about that.

BUT!

Is there any other you? I bet not. And that means ...

Nobody's as good at being you as YOU are.

Like, even if someone has practiced and figured out how to do a pretty good impression of you, they've got no idea how to actually be you. (Also, congratulations for knowing someone who would practice doing an impression of you! That rocks!)

And if you're thinking, "My life sucks. I can't do anything right. What the hell do you mean, I'm crushing it?" you wanna know the answer? Just imagine someone you think has a way easier time of things than you do and seems to do a way better job of things than you do ...

What if they were suddenly you -- including having all those downer feelings about themselves? I'm betting they'd suck at being you! They couldn't take it!

You've got a shit-ton more practice at being you than they'll ever have, and as far as people who seem to have an easy time of stuff? Guess what! Probably the thing they have the easiest time of is hiding all the things they have a hard time at. They've figured out their sweet spots and how to show those off, but if they suddenly had to be you? They'd totally freak.

And if you're reading this and thinking, "Damn, girl, missed me by a mile! I don't think any of that depresso-bummer stuff about myself," then like I said ... you're crushing it!

Anyway, if you needed this pep-talk and now you realize that you're the best person at being you that there ever could be ... time to CRUSH IT HARDER!

(p.s., my girlfriend Claire is a zillion times better at writing this kind of peppy stuff than I am, but you know what? Doesn't matter! I still CRUSHED it!)


Tuesday, May 9, 2023

Dang! That Took WAAYYYY Too Long!!!

Yeah, so I was having this leg problem, and it was interfering with some pretty important stuff, but not interfering with other important stuff like blogging or playing roleplaying games or making out or really, most things.

But definitely like, one major big-time muy importante thing.

And over the weekend, it finally got better enough to carefully check if, yep, the time was right to get back to that thing.

KaaaPOW!

YES!

It was definitely better enough, and the carefully checking version of that one activity ... esplédido!

Soooo ... this morning I pinned my boyfriend down and we did the not-so-carefully-checking version.

Wow. I so totally did not know how much I was missing that.

Oh, and just being ultra-clear about the title of the post, this morning's important thing was not what took way too long -- it was the leg recovering part I was writing that about!

This morning took just the perfect amount of long enough to be

EXPLOSIVE!!!

Back on track, people!

(Maybe I'll get this blog back on track too ...)

Saturday, December 31, 2022

2022 ... Done!

Yep, that's it. Let me tell you though, I had a BLAST this year. Blogged a pretty good amount ... emailed an okay amount ... boinked until I literally hurt myself ...

It's been a good year, 1000 percent!

Come at me, 2023! I'm ready for another one!

Friday, November 4, 2022

Case Closed!

So get this. Yesterday, my otherwise espléndido boyfriend tells me -- IN THE MIDDLE OF SEX -- that I'm his most "mysterious" girlfriend.

What!!!

I mean, peeps, I think I'm pretty wackadoo straightforward as girlfriends go, especially compared to some of the other ladies around here.

It's like, advertising for me would say, "SASHA! What you see is WHAT YOU GET!"

If there's any mystery going on, it's why in the world I answered him back with, "Huh? What are you talking about?" instead of saying, "Dude! Can you please FOCUS?!?"

(Okay, so actually, he was multi-tasking excelentemente right then, and I don't mind a talk-it-while-you-rock-it convo in general, but it was still a weird-ass statement, you know?)

So I made him explain himself, which he did, with appropriate pauses for more urgent issues.

And the short version is, he said he meant he's always learning things about me, and I'm always surprising to him. And that makes him wonder what other things there still are for him to learn that I haven't let him in on yet.

Which, obviously, I then said, "Dude, that's not mystery. That's just personal growth and me not being so full of myself I'd keep yammering away about me, me, me until you knew everything there was to know. And the 'always surprising' part is called SPONTANEITY."

(Pause for a second here. Is it just me, or does that word look TOTALLY WRONG in all caps? Like, my brain doesn't even want to recognize the damn thing. Although ... maybe the all-caps just made me notice it being a weird-looking word. How about we try it without the caps ... "spontaneity." Okay, yeah, it looks weird as crap that way too. I think it's because the vowels. I was going to say because the vowels are mixed up, but then I realized, no, there are just too many of them. Why didn't they go ahead and put a U in there too just to hit them all? But anyway, the vowels are def backwards, at least the A and the E. I can't be the only one who saying it spontehnayity, right?)

All right, actually that's not what I said, I'll admit it. But it's what I would have said if I wasn't busy saying, "Oh! Yes! Holy sh*t, yes! There, baby, right there!"

Anyway, long story short, he's crazy, there's nothing mysterious about me at all. 

Although I did maybe take advantage of him saying that to order him to "plumb my depths" several times before I let him up.


Friday, September 9, 2022

ZAM!! GAZOW!!!

Listen up, boyfriend!!!!

(I'll let you other people listen too, 'cause this is gonna be some ROCKIN' advice!)

You've been doing pretty good lately about not getting super punky over stuff going on in the world & your life, but dayum, man, NO ENERGY. So I can tell things have you down even if they don't have you as all-the-way down as you sometimes get.

You need to Sashatize yourself!

(No, I don't mean get your sizzlin'-kapow little sexpot girlfriend to go off in bed with you LIKE A BOMB [although holy shit can we ever do that too! {and pretty soon, I hope! <what the hell, that curly bracket is totally the worst fucking bracket ever! no more of that shit!> oh damn, I have to do another one to close it off} completely losing track of my thought with all this parenthesization stuff - wait, whew, I think I remember now], keep reading and I'll explain!)

Living example, right here, right now, of what you need to do!

BE LIKE ME!!!

How does Sasha Natasha Worthy live her life? I know you know!

I!

Live!

My!

Life!

Like!

I'm!

AN!!

EXCLAMATION MARK!!!

"Oh, but Sasha," you're saying, Mister But Sasha, using the worst kind of but, "that's just how you are. That's you, babe."

Nuh-UH!!

(I mean, a little bit...)

You think I don't choose to be this way?

Me being me makes it a pretty effing easy choice, I'll admit, but I do still have to choose it! I could sit around knitting or crocheting or something instead (and I'd get pretty damn fine at it!), or I could, like, read news stories and then fall on the floor and stare up at the ceiling thinking something like, holy F, Sasha, why did you do that?!? This world is fucked up!

But every day, instead of knitting or crocheting or crushing my soul under current events, I get up and I say,

I'M SASHA, DAMMIT!!! LET'S DO THIS THING!!!!

None of this, "uhhgh, I haven't had my coffee," shit or "I'd better ease into things slow today, I think I'll sit on the couch and look at Twitter and Facebook. Just a  little, not very long ..."

As soon as I'm up ... WHAMMO!!! Sashatime!!!

Give it a shot, okay? And that question mark right there was totally rhe-flippin-torical!

I COMMAND YOU TO GIVE IT A SHOT!

Any questions? Too bad!! NO QUESTIONS ALLOWED!!!

DO IT!!!!

(Love you!! Mwah!!!)

Sasha

Friday, June 24, 2022

Wow! Hettie's really making me look like a super-good Dungeon Master!

Hey, everybody, you know how I said last time we were going to play D&D with me as Dungeon Master? Well, it went awesome! Everybody had tons of fun, and we're going to have another session as soon as we can.

I'm crap at taking notes, though, so I didn't figure I'd be able to give a good run-down of our gaming here ... except Hettie surprised me by doing her own writeup of the first bit of our first session!

She seems to think she didn't do that great a job, though, so if anybody's out there reading this, please drop a comment to encourage her to do more!

(Oh, spoiler alert -- the adventure we're playing is called "The Incandescent Grottoes" for the game Old School Essentials. Read at your own risk if you don't want any of it spoiled ... although it ended up taking the group a really long time before they got to the grottoes, so Hettie's writeup doesn't really give anything away yet.)

Take it away, Hettie!

We have here a prologue of perhaps the worst sort: narratively bereft and wallowing in explication of the characters whose proper story follows in chapter one. It’s inexcusable, really, and I implore you to skip it if you’ve anything but the deepest well of readerly patience. -- HHW

Prologue:

About a crackly campfire they had disposed themselves, bellies full of that strain of victuals in which only a caravan cook might take pride. Some moth of meager vision or sense blundered its way into the flames and expired in a scant mortal flare, at which point one traveler – a woman unexceptional in countenance yet with the bearing of a proud and mighty bulwark set to forfend some noble principality – took it upon herself to make introductions.

“Helga,” she announced, “also called ‘the Pure,’ servant of Bronzellia, in whose mould of truth alloyed with valor I can only hope I am cast. It’s a boon to find myself among folk of such variety and interest – would any of you care to exchange names as well?”

They all looked at her, took in the grey-threaded braids hanging half the length of her back, in hue aging and earthy; saw dangling about her neck the emblem of her faith, a smith’s tongs cast from admixed copper and tin. For possessions, she had armor, shield, and a fresh, undented mace. As quiet fell and lay upon the circle, the doomed moth’s fellows gave pause in their flits and flights of mourning about the fire – or perhaps simply rode for a moment’s ease, borne up on the thermal rise. Other moths around other fires continued as ever, and with them the murmured conversation of those other fires’ coteries.

A few pops and sparks from the fire elapsed, at which point a charming robed fellow, six to Helga’s nine on the clock-face of their little circle and bearing swept-back hair the color of autumn leaves bleached by sun, stepped in to salvage the priestess’s efforts from awkward death by silence.

“Far and wide,” he said, gaze dancing lively diner-to-diner around the circle, “with at least a mild notoriety, I am known as Slevius the Magician. Should anyone have doubt or even mere curiosity, I’ll happily demonstrate my prestidigitatious wonders once we’ve had introductions all around and perhaps a bit of chit-chat.”

Though he accompanied this with a convivial smile and had features both kindly and pleasant, the elf beside him gave a dubious glance down her gracile nose. He returned the look with a continued beaming, though, and she held the fey barbs of her woods-whetted tongue while several others joined the go-round in quick order.

“Shyly the Sneezer,” said an amiable fellow blessed with coffee-dark skin and waves of hair rich as the night sky. He cut a sharp figure in fighting leathers, a slim sword and sling at his belt. Of this man, the narrow gaze of the elf lass withheld any visible judgment. “No idea where I picked up that nickname – you can dust me in pollen or blow ground pepper at my face and I promise this nose will hold fast.”

Next in turn: a woman pallid in complexion, eyes sculpted by some lineage beyond the sunrise horizon, words contoured by an accent lustrous and lilting.

“Excuse, kind ones, my labor with the fine tongue of such domains. Please call me Generous Jiji.” Beside her rested a pack, and propped against it the gleaming contours of a plate-mail suit. The remainder of her kit consisted in a quiver, a bow, and a long-hafted glaive. Recollection struck her, and she added, “There are wineskins in my rucksack! Should anyone want some.”

Two places away, and with the spryness of any dwarf offered wine, a man popped to his feet.

“Where wine’s at hand,” he said, “every visitor’s an envoy and a diplomat heartily received. Truffus Trundler’s the name, eager to toast your generosity, noble Jiji.”

The introductions suspended themselves as all in attendance watched Truffus accept the woman’s offer, tilt back his head, and let pour a cataract of wine through wide, waiting lips. Under his beard of grey-shot red, the dwarf’s throat worked at a steady rhythm, turning Jiji’s wineskin from fatted to flaccid to starveling-flat. Then he handed it back to her as she blinked, gave a brief word of thanks, and returned to his own stock of gear – arms and armor and a large but largely empty sack.

Again the moths danced and faraway gabbles from other campfires reached their ears.

“Yeljea the Axe-grinder,” said a hefty, taciturn woman. She broke the silence no further, though, which left only the sharp-visaged elf – not yet out of her plate armor, shining in the firelight, its filigrees silver and sylvan at once.

“I,” spoke this one, “am Tanquara the Just.” In a tone directed at Truffus and gelid as some glacial polar gorge, she added, “I wouldn’t call it fair of you to drain kind Jiji’s wine away to nothing like that.”

The dwarf shrugged and scratched his close-shaved scalp. “Not like I pushed anyone out of the way to grab it. You all could have spoken up when she offered, or asked a swig of me before I’d done.”

A haughty turn of the elf’s chin set swinging the gold cascade of her hair and also showed her profile to elegant advantage (not the most dwarfly in proportion, yet still worth appreciating to Truffus’ eye).

From there, turns of talk smattered their way into existence: Slevius the Magician inquiring gregariously of each gathered soul, Helga expounding the virtures of deific Bronzellia, Jiji offering descriptions of far lands mundane to her but exotic to the rest. Shyly touted the value of a sling above the shortbows carried by several amongst them; all archers in attendance caught this lecture in the whorls of dubious ears. When the slinger had done, Truffus lobbed a blunt stone of dwarven jest at the entire thesis, forcing Tanquara to suppress the corners of her elfin mouth, which strove upward with vernal rebellion against her masque of winter’s forest’s frost.

The tenor of this campfire assemblage evolved gradually toward the comradely, faltering only a moment when Slevius attempted his promised exhibition of high mysticism:

“Gabazz Gallaboo!” he conjured with a series of gesticulations at Truffus Trundler. “Bevrak Tresquedieu!”

“What’s this, then?” asked the dwarf.

Slevius looked from Trundler to his hands in consternation. “Hmm. Sorry, I must be more tired from the long day of travel than I thought.”

“Or you’ve failed to account for the resilience of dwarvenkind, manipulator!” The haught in Tanquara’s tone – evident but placid throughout the evening – shifted closer to wroth. “Do you always attempt to ensorcel newfound acquaintances and bend them to your will as thralls?”

Yeljea, laconic throughout all before, stood quickly, hand to battleaxe. “Entrancements is it? Try that on me and I’ll split your head open!”

Knowing the fame of elven arcana, Slevius made no denial, but laughed good-naturely with a wide-spread, placating gesture. “A charm to prompt good Truffus into an apology about guzzling Lady Jiji’s wine. I thought it worth a shot – we all know a dwarf cares for tact and expiation as much as he does the open sky.”

Truffus gave a snort. “Tact! That’s for dainties and side-steppers like elves!”

At least half the company found this worth a chuckle, so the matter lapsed, except for a hint of that pink that passes for elven choler, visiting a tinge upon Tanquara’s fair cheeks.

Of further note, only one fateful exchange remained for the evening: a passing caravan hand perceived them to be of a kind and asked if such heroic and well armed companions intended challenging the nearby Crystal Caves. “Perhaps in search of Nogfolio’s fabled brass hand, to arm yourselves with its bolts of electric chaos against villains and vermin alike?”

Before any could correct the woman and declare them bound by no affiliation but the Society of Strangers by Campfires, Shyly spoke up.

“Are those close?” he asked. “If they’re the Crystal Caves I’ve heard told of, didn’t they once play host to human sacrifices? And aren’t devils still said to dwell there?”

“I can’t speak to the devilry,” the caravaner replied, “but tomorrow we’ll cross a bridge over the Winkling Stream, and if you follow it two days east, you’ll find the caves and can see for yourselves.”

“Devils!” The word left Helga’s tongue like something vile and low and begging to be spat out. “If such can truly be found this close at hand to civilization, we should visit and purge them!”

“Devils, I’m in for,” said Truffus. “But I thought Nogfolio breathed his last in the haunts of mischievous faeries, not the pits of demonkind. Faeries put a hair up my crack, if I’m honest.”

A shared and mutually narrowed glance passed between the dwarf and the company’s lone fey.

“Well,” said the caravaner, “I don’t know about all of that. But the Brass Hand of Stormbrands ... that’s sure a fine piece of treasure if you could find it.”

Tanquara spoke up. “If there are devils to be vanquished, my blade stands ready.” After a moment of biting back concession, she added, “Against the wrong sorts of faeries too I suppose. Since being mischievous isn’t the most just thing to do.”

Across the fire, Jiji put two fingers to her chin and nodded. “It’s generous to protect everyone from devils. Yes.”

“No thank you to devils,” Yeljea put in. “I”ll stick to the caravan myself.”

“And you, charmster Slevius?” asked Truffus Trundler.

The magician tipped his head to one side and let his gaze go starward. “Mmm ... I think I’ll see how I feel about it in the morning.”

The Boot!

You ever have somebody just plain drag you down? I hope not, because,  oof!  That's the worst! Now you're wondering how I know this,...